Single Parents

I have great admiration for single mother's, especially those that earn that admiration and deserve to be admired.  Like my mother for example.  No, she didn't "create" me on her own, but at the time my father wasn't the best man, best husband, or best father to be around.  He'd rather have spent his money on other things.  (He's since then changed and is a big part of my life.)  But my mother, raised me, more or less, on her own.  I had my MANY medical problems, etc... but she worked hard for the money to support us and to take care of me.  I also have a good friend who has two ADORABLE little kids.  She graduated high school pregnant with her first child, married the father (who (at the time) was her high school sweetheart), etc...  They later got divorced.  She filed for child support, he's been paying, as he deems appropriate.  She later met another guy, dated him for about a year, then got pregnant with her second precious child.  They later broke up, and she filed for child support.  Again, he pays as he deems appropriate.  This friend never graduated college, BUT have a better paying job than I'll EVER see (and I have two degrees!).  I have another good friend who also graduated college, met a guy, got married, she found out she was pregnant shortly after getting married, they later separated, and she had an adorable baby girl.  Her ex-husband never pays support.  She has been trying to find a job that will allow her to support her and her daughter on her own.  However, for the time being, she lives with her mother, and is going back to school.

I mention all these examples for a simple reason.  My mother was never eligible for public assistance, eventhough she was making only $5/hr, and supporting me on her own.  She was told by the public aid office to sell her car, etc....  Now, how is she supposed to get to work if she sold her car?  She's not!  How was she going to get me to the doctor if she didn't have a car?  She couldn't.  So needless to say, she never received public assistance and struggled through it all.  My first friend I mentioned, she worked job after job after job to support her kids.  She did end up on public assistant, but was either kicked off or was no longer eligible.  In the end, she knew she had to do something QUICK to support herself and her children, especially if she wasn't going to get the help she needed.  As for my second friend I mentioned, she does recieve public assistance for her daughter.  She has worked odd jobs, but can't seem to get one that will be enough to support her, her daughter and pay bills, especially her student loans that are now coming to track her down.

Again, you're probably thinking, why am I going on and on about all this??

My boyfriend has a child with his ex-girlfriend, which I'm presuming was supposed to only be a one night stand.  Whatever....  In the end, they ended up with a gorgeous and most adorable baby girl.  His ex hasn't worked since November 2008, two months after she found out she was pregnant.  That's what???  More than 2 YEARS!  They had their fights.  Etc...  Etc....  He ended up moving back home, 3 hours from his ex-girlfriend.  It wasn't to "run away", it was to "get away".  (You'll understand in a few....)  He made it down there for their daughter's birth and kept away since then.  A mistake on his part, but he's trying to make up for it now.  In my opinion, it's never too late.  (Some may not agree....)  Here's the "killer" part, his ex is making it as HARD AS POSSIBLE for him to see his little girl, eventhough it's court ordered.  To top it all off, his family (especially his mother) are siding with his ex.  It irks me because they are blinded and oblivious to what his ex is like and what she's done to their daughter.

Last year, his ex lied to me (and my husband) and told us that her mother was kicking her out of the house.  Now, me being me, I felt bad and I'd NEVER EVER let a child be on the streets.  Come to find out, right before she moved in with us, her mother wasn't kicking her out AT ALL, she was telling many people that lie so she could get closer to him and try to win him back.  However, I let that slide and we decided to let her move in still and give her a chance.  BIG MISTAKE!  I learned a HARD lesson, QUICK!  She claimed she was looking for a job, she never did, UNLESS I made her, because I was taking her places where I was applying.  Then she insisted on telling on my husband and me.  For example, one day she was complaining about my (now) boyfriend and I told my husband to grab my phone out of my purse because I didn't want her to use it without me around.  (She called the cops on him once from my phone for NO reason.  Oh wait, she wanted to know HER rights as their daughter's mother.  Call a lawyer BITCH!)  He did.  Later that day, she thought she was being sly and "tattled" on him to me.  I told her "I knew he went in my purse.  I told him to!"  She could just say "Oh..."  Another instance was when I was going to a festival and I was "Polacking" it and made me a margarita "to go".  Keep in mind, I left the bottles on the counter for all to see.  The next day, the container I had the margarita in was sitting on the counter, and she told my husband "Smell that.  She was drinking."  He knew.  For two reasons, the bottles were left in plain site and I told him I made it, because I called him on the way to the festival.  She tried hard to turn everyone against everyone.  However, I will say she succeeded in turning his family against him because of her LIES and backstabbing ways.

While she lived with us, she did MANY things to the baby I (, my mother, nor my husband) agreed with.  it took all I could to not call DCFS on her.  Don't think I haven't contemplated it still.  Here's a few examples:
(1) When her (his ex) teeth were bothering her, the baby came up to her to try to hug on her and she (his ex) SHOVED the baby away.  She said she didn't want to deal with her!!!  THAT'S YOUR F*CKING KID!!!
(2) His mother asked me to drive his ex and the baby into the city.  I said ok.  Well that morning, he did or said something to tick her off.  While in the bathroom, I was straightening my hair and she was giving the baby a bath.  Because she was sooooo p*ssed off at him, the baby was picking up on that.  Since the baby wasn't sitting still to her liking, she shoved the baby in the tub and told her to "SIT STILL!"  I got p*ssed and told her to go away and I'll finish bathing her.  Got the baby calmed down, cleaned up, and outta the tub.  She went running to her mommy and
(3) she pushed her away and said "Your father p*sses me off!  I don't want you near me!"
(4) Another occassion, the baby said "Dada" and instead of saying "Good girl!"  Or something praising because she said a "word", his ex said "NO!  He's not dada.  He's @sshole!  I will teach you to call him that!"  Excuse me!?!?!?!?!?
(5) During one of her many dramatic spells, she "pretended" to be passed out on the  bedroom floor and the baby came to lay on her.  She pushed her off and said "I wish I'd never met your father, than maybe I'd be happy and wouldn't have to deal with you."  At that point, my husband took the baby into another room.
(6) Did you know a 1 year old is supposed to still be on stage 2 baby food?!?  I didn't!?
(7) Did you know a 2 year old that has never had a sippy cup and is still bottle fed??

The point to my whole schmeel is that she doesn't deserve what she gets as a single "mother".  She has his family so WRAPPED around her finger that his mother and father are paying for her COLLEGE education, sends diapers and wipes down to the baby, as needed (kind of no biggie), etc..  But here's the killer part (which goes back to the beginning), his ex gets child support ($300), food stamps, medical, AND AND AND cash from the state.  However, she claims she never has enough to buy the baby her required things.

The killer part, since they went to court and he agreed to pay child support, including back pay, he was ordered to get visitation.  He had ONE visitation.  It ended badly on my part, which I still feel bad for.  He tried to come down the weekend after, but his ex couldn't "agree" to anything.  Nothing was to HER liking.  (Keep in mind, they live 3 hours apart.)  The conversation went as follows:

Him: So your denying me visitation for tomorrow?

Her: The only way this is going to get resolved is by me taking you to court.

Him: So I can’t see my daughter tomorrow? Correct.

Her: Tomorrow isn’t going to work for me *****. Sorry. First thing next week me and mom are going to find an attorney to file the necessary papers for this so this fighting can come to an end.

She says she never denied him visitation...  Um....  Am I reading that wrong then?!?!  He called his mom right away, because his mom told him long before that if his ex ever denied him visitation, she'd "cut his ex off".  His mom agreed.  Only to find out his mother LIED to him.  She never intended to do that.  She only told him that.  Then to top if all off, his mother is MAKING excuses for his ex.  She make excuses and defend his ex, but not her own son.  She says it's because he wasn't the best child growing up and caused a lot of problems and was in and out of jail.  So what?!?  That's your f*cking son.

I guess the moral of my rant is that, just because you're a single mother, don't act like the clouds should open up and give you a free pass at life.  There's too many people out there struggling for you to think the world revolves around you because YOU chose to lay down and have unprotected sex with a man and ended up knocked up.  And YOU chose to keep that child, whether by no aboring it or by not giving it up for adoption.  YOU made the choice.  NO ONE made it for you.  Live with your concequences.  This goes the same for single fathers.  I know a few single fathers who are the BEST in the world (in my opinion) and don't get the credit they do.

Wanna know why the GOOD/WONDERFUL/FABULOUS/GREAT/EXTRAORDINARY single parents don't get the acknowledgement they deserve, because this country is too busy catering to the worthless piece of sh*t single parents, LIKE my boyfriend's ex, that has had the WORLD handed to her on a silver platter, she just doesn't see it.

You don't have to agree with my opinion, but I was raised by one of those GOOD/WONDERFUL/FABULOUS/GREAT/EXTRAORDINARY single parents and she never got the credit she deserved.  Just like my two friends I mentioned will never get the credit or even see how GOOD/WONDERFUL/FABULOUS/GREAT/EXTRAORDINARY they really are!